jeudi 16 septembre 2010

Weeks ago, i told you about the weirdness of human relationships. Espacially the lover ones and the friendship ones.
The way you can deeply love someone. The way you can be surprisingly happy.
Once, I told you about my entireness too. And the way i was sad because of what i supposed to be a one-way-love. (And actually wasn't. But i learnt it quite too late, probably).

You may observe that i think way too much. And speak too much, as well.
Don't know why. It's like the only way for me to feel connected to the others. And Reality.
Most of the time i'm half-funny, half-exhausting cause of speaking that much.
But when i tell something important nobody's listening anymore (i'm like this little boy with the wolf, you know, always joking and then when the wolf's there, there's noone to trust the boy anymore).

I don't know how the act with others.
Sometimes i do or tell something stupid just to protect myself.
Cause i'm so afraid to be hurt.
And the reality is that most of the time I, and just I, hurt myself.

But this time, i've hurt someone else too.

Because i couldn't admit how much i loved him.
Because i was afraid to suffer again.
Because i was not self-confident enough to believe i could make him happy.
As happy as i was with him.
Because i was afraid of myself.

And when every doubts just disapeared?
It was too late.

He made me feel strong enough to push every fear out of my head.
To fight the dark-me that always "shoot herself in the feet".
Sadly, while giving me his strong, i gave him my doubts in return.
So, whatever he needs me as a friend instead of a lover.
I want to be it and here for him.

Because i love a guy, that loved me.

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